i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
