i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
