he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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