ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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