What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
where does the pee come out of this thing
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
