Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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