Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
