were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
