i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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