I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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