you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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