You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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