i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You ruined the universe
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
