my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
