we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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