if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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