i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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