you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
