oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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