mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
