I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
