I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
