i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
