Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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