if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
