The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
