grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
