So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
