I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
