I want to walk on stilts...naked
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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