paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
