you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
