watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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