what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
