Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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