last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
