First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
