You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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