He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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