Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Terrible idea I love it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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