If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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