Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
