How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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