just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
