And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize