Your face is a jimmy john
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
