He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
