Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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