i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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