I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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