the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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