oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
