Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
