Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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