if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my liver is dry heaving
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
