Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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