allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
