I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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