paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
