I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
