The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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