turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
