she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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