I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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