Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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