I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
