I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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