idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
