You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
