The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
