Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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