I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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