even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
