Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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