Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
