Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
