You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
