8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
