all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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