i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
