I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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