I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
